An Interview with a non-binary preschool teacher working at a child-led gender open preschool.
Tell us about yourself
My name is Charlie Lewis, my pronouns are she/him/hirs, I identify as bi-gender, under the non binary umbrella. I feel like both a man and a woman at the same time in equal parts, more or less. I definitely experience some gender fluidity.
What do you like to do for fun?
I like to make movies, and watch movies, go hiking. I like reading scifi and fantasy, I write poetry, listen to music.
How did you get involved with Tumbleweed [The Preschool Where you work]?
Well I actually just saw a craigslist ad for it while looking for jobs in childcare, while also teaching as a drama teacher. I saw that they had a part time position, so I applied, and interviewed; and it seemed like it was a really good fit. The center and myself have a lot of similar views when it comes to childcare practices and best child-rearing practices because I studied both theatre/film and child development in college as well as some anthropology and sociology, and some political science. So I got hired on as a sub, or a float; I spent the last two years doing that and then started working for them full time a few months ago.
Some of our shared philosophies are that of a whole community in child rearing, so having a good relationship with parents and primary caregivers; as well as child lead, play-based learning philosophies. Rather than forcing children to follow a curriculum or something that the teachers think is important for them to learn, but following interests and allowing them to learn from curiosity and self understanding. This is a big part of why I wanted to work there.
Charlie with hirs students, two of the children in this picture use they/them pronouns. Courtesy of Tumbleweed PH Instagram.
How do you talk to the kids about gender?
Well both myself and the center are very open about gender with kids. I actually started at this job before I was out as non-binary. When I did come out as non binary to both my boss and coworkers, there was mostly just celebration like “hey we see you, it’s great to have you here”. There definitely has been a little bit of a learning curve with using my pronouns, but I feel like everyone has been trying on a regular basis. When it comes to talking to the kids about gender; I kind of noticed a shift where at first they were sort of open about it while not really talking about it directly, but then about six months ago they started focusing more on letting the kids know that if there was a different name or pronouns that they wanted us to use, that we could use those for them. This was because one student in particular wanted to change their name a lot, and was generally gender non conforming. Now it’s just really opened up.
We have a book called “It’s Feels Good to Be Yourself” that I really appreciate. It very clearly, in a way that’s easy for them to understand, lays out what it means to be transgender, cisgender, nonbinary, genderfluid; the idea the that you might change your feelings about gender from one day to the next, and that’s okay; that you can feel different from what people thought you were when you were born, and that’s okay; and that it’s all very valid in that however you feel about your gender is how you feel best. Which I think really falls into the idea of a child lead learning philosophy, because we’re allowing the children to know that what they feel inside is important and that is what reality is, and that it helps shape reality for them. Which is the same way that they, for example, decide what is important to learn, and we give them the tools to then shape their reality to be that.
When I talk to the kids about my own gender, a lot of it is very much letting them know that I’m both a boy and a girl; that they can call me “she” and “he”, and that my name is Charlie. That’s very much reinforced when the other teachers call me by he/him pronouns as well as she/her. The kids see that, and it very much normalizes it for them. I am able to just straightforwardly say “I am a boy and a girl, that’s who I am, you can call me this”. As an adult to kids at this age range, I am really helping them to give words to their reality. It’s really opened up the doors for them to be able to talk about their gender by me modeling for them “this is what I like to be called”,”this is what I feel”,”this is who I am”, “this is how I talk about myself and you can talk about me too”.
Courtesy of Tumbleweed PH Instagram.
How do the kids talk about their gender?
The kids love to talk about their genders! Especially reading the books is a really good gateway for them, I feel like. One of my favorite examples [It Feels Good to be Yourself], we read this book a lot, the kids really want us to read this book. It’s got great illustrations. Definitely something I would recommend anyone who has kids, or works with kids to check out. Or even people that aren’t getting this transgender thing, 2 year olds can understand it. So we read this book and at the end of it one of the kids shouts out “I’m a boy!”; and the kid sitting next to them shouted “I’m a they! They! They! They!”. All around the circle, one by one, they all started shouting their pronouns and gender at everyone else. It just shows that they have this clear understanding within themselves of who they are.
At least a third of our kids, now, identify as gender non-conforming, or wanting to use “they” pronouns, or asking occasionally if they can use “they” in addition to other pronouns. I have kids that say “I’m all, I’m everything”, “I’m a boy, girl, and a they”. I have kids who say they’re a boy and a girl. Some kids feel strongly that they’re just one or the other, that they’re a binary gender, or cisgender. They know, they are very clear with how they talk about it. With three and up, with the two-year-olds, it’s still a little abstract to them, but the older kids are very very sure of themselves.
And it’s really interesting, like I had the other day. I’m always telling the kids, when they misgender through friends, “oh, hey, like this person actually uses “they” and doesn’t want to be called “he” anymore”. And I had one of my kids, who identifies as cisgender boy, say when I told him that his friend used they/them instead of he/him, he said, “does they/them mean girl?” And I was like, “well, they could identify as a girl, they might not; but “they” is what they want to be called, It just means them.” It’s sort of still this understanding that they’re coming to, but it’s become very normal for them. They really are able to just say, “hey, like I want to be called ‘they’” or “I want to be called this” right in this very straightforward language about it, they’re very clear.
Mx. Lewis with a “she/him” pronoun button.
Do you have any hopes for the future?
I mean, of course I have hopes for the future. I feel like doing this work now is a result of the hope that I have for the future. Obviously, right now in our world, it’s really scary to be a trans person. And as much as working in this preschool has felt like this really ideal space for gender. I’ve also worked a lot with older trans kids and they are a lot more scared. They’re not as open about it. They feel it just as strongly. It’s just as clear, obviously to them and they’re able to express it so eloquently. But they get bullied a lot. They get questioned by adults as well as children. And obviously, with this administration, it’s becoming scarier and scarier to be an LGBTQ person, especially if you are also not privileged in other ways, such as being a person of color, or being poor, or being houseless, or being undocumented.0
I also feel like doing this work and like working with trans kids, they have a lot of hope because when they’re able to be themselves, they’re so much happier. Being able to help create spaces that are safe for that happiness to prosper, for gender euphoria to prosper, as opposed to just dysphoria, as opposed to just feeling like the world will not accept you as you are. Creating spaces where it feels good to be yourself is what’s really important. And if we keep doing that, we can keep managing to do that in our communities, for our neighbors, for our children or for our neighbor’s children. Yeah, I have hope. I feel like we can create a space in the future where it is safe to be yourself, because if we can’t, then there’s not really much else to really feel like we can do if we’re not creating spaces that are safe for people out of hope.
What is one thing you want people to know?
Just that people know themselves. Children know themselves, adults know themselves. Nobody’s confused. If somebody feels a certain way, they are that way. Just because you think that they might not have a reason to feel a certain way, doesn’t mean that they don’t. I mean, that’s a big thing with our kids. We’re never invalidating their feelings because their feelings are real and their feelings about their gender are real. No matter who you have in your life, if there’s somebody who’s experiencing feelings that their gender does not match/goes beyond what they were assigned at birth, that believing them is the best thing you can do. About any feelings, just believing someone when they tell you they feel a certain way. Also treating kids with the same degree of respect that you treat adults. They know the way, they know what’s going on, they can very clearly tell you when you ask them. We just need to listen to their voices.
https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/40864913-it-feels-good-to-be-yourself
-F.D.
Trans Studies Archive 